When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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