only if we run a train.
done.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
