go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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