I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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