U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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