I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
