Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
