my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
