you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
