One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
