I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Your cock deserves a montage
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
