That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you traded sex for a burrito?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
