my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
