I skipped work to stalk him.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
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Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
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Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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