So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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