We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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