would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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