K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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