just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
