i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
