remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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