I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
