"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
