I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
