He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
