I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
