he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
