The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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