Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
