Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
