Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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