How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
