1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
