Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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