And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
