chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
