paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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