he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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