I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
