the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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