mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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