Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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