I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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