weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
