Jerry, you need to find god
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
