there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
