yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
