It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
