Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
