i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
