upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
