dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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