Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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