You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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