I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
