I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
