the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
