Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
