worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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