Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
