So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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