i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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