lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
