i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
