So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
whose ass print is on the piano?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
