You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Everyone says I win the strip club
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
