You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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