There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
