Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
