i already hear my dad disowning me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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