i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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