you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
