I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
