Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
