I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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