Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
